https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/

I am a writer, speaker, and activist with an online following. Among the topics I write about are wellness and body image. I make no apologies nor do I feel obligated to give any explanations about the appearance of my body. Judgments about my body, and even who I am as a person, are hurled at me from every direction. I could say that it’s because of what I choose to advocate for or speak out against. It’s not.

Your situation may be different than mine, but in my experience, whether you’re a public figure or live in relative anonymity, as a woman you’re constantly receiving judgment, criticism, and commentary about your body from others.

Top Left: This was originally about how much I had always hated my “deep” belly button and finally arriving at being totally okay with even that part of me. | Top Right: This was mother’s day. My daughter was on the other side of me. | Bottom Left: From a post about being body confident in the summer. “Taking my stretch marks and all of me to the beach!” | Bottom Right: This was for a photo shoot. I posted it talking about how I was excited to look at this and immediately think “look at those big ol LEGS” But in a GREAT way instead of what would have been horrifying to me in the past.

It’s easy to suggest that we should just ignore these comments. “Haters gonna hate. Just don’t listen to them.” In reality, the experience can be very unsettling. Over time I have learned how to navigate hurtful commentary and not to take it personally.

Left: This was originally in a series of photos I did talking about how we compare ourselves at our “worst” to others at their “best.” This one I’m slouching and sticking my stomach out. | Right: This is from the photo shoot that my book cover came from.

I rise above it by practicing a process that I want to share with you, and hope that it can help you stand strong in your sense of self when faced with a hurtful comment:

1. Check to see if the words are for you.

Each time I receive a negative comment I consider it. I hold on to it to see if it’s mine. Is it productive? Is it true? Is it something I’m insecure about? Is it something I need to work on?

This isn’t a long process. I’m simply considering if this is something that I can or should explore for my own growth and values. If it is, I proceed to look at the hard stuff that is “growing pains” and deal with me. If it isn’t I proceed to #2.

2. Acknowledge that people only have to give out what they have within them.

I remember reading The Four Agreements in college. One line in particular really stood out for me:  “We can’t expect people not to lie to us as they also lie to themselves.”  It made so much sense. The same applies here. If someone is the type of person who goes around saying hurtful things to strangers on the Internet, I can’t imagine what they must say when they speak to themselves. Happy, confident people don’t do this.

So, rather than take on their baggage or find words to cut back at a hurting person, I try to offer some compassion, even if only silently to myself. I can’t be responsible for everything that leads a person to make harmful remarks about others. I don’t deserve to take all that on.

3. Deal with your own stuff instead of hurling judgements at others.

One of my favorite sayings is “How you feel about me is between you and your self-esteem.” It’s a great mantra to pull when someone upsets you. I also use this sentiment as a guide when looking at my own stuff. Whenever I find myself thinking or wanting to voice negative opinions about others, I check in with myself. Instead of going around in circles about my own righteousness, I look directly at what I believe is the real issue. What is happening with me right now that is causing this reaction? Am I feeling insecure? Do I relate to this issue somehow?

It’s always our own stuff that riles us up. Being curious and compassionate with myself gets me much further in dealing with the actual issue than hurling insults or spreading gossip. It creates a mindfulness around what is causing my own behavior, which makes taking others’ flack less personally all the easier. You begin to relate to the root instead of attach to the symptom.

4. I don’t take the positive stuff personally either.

This has been the hardest idea for me to grasp, but it has really made all the difference. I first read of this concept in The Four Agreements. I remember loving the part where I wasn’t supposed to take other’s harsh words personally. I could get on board with that! But the kind ones? Did I not deserve those?

The problem is, we either agree that other’s words define us or we don’t. I also get lots of positive, uplifting comments on a daily basis. If I attached myself and my identity to them it would be an agreement that these comments define me. That would be wonderful if I was riding a wave of “You are so inspiring,” but detrimental when the next, “You are hideous and shouldn’t speak” wave comes crashing in.

I don’t attach to either. I define myself, I deal with my own stuff, and I don’t determine my worth or confidence based on others’ words.

But don’t you feel anything? Don’t you care at all?

I care about how I affect people. I aim to apologize when I’m wrong. I want to learn from my mistakes and be a better person. Living solely by the opinions of others is too fickle, too damaging, and not how I want to ground my self definition.

I deal with my own stuff. I practice imperfectly what I preach. When someone has something hurtful to say, I honestly hope that they work through whatever it is inside them that I am experiencing coming at me. And when someone says something beautiful, I am thankful that they are in a place to show love. Neither of those belongs to me. It’s much more peaceful that way.

It isn’t foolproof, and I still have my moments and bad days. But I promise you that not caring what others think gets gets easier by putting these four ideas into practice.

http://chriskresser.com/

Blast from the Past

This week I read an interesting opinion piece on why one successful entrepreneur prioritizes his workouts ahead of his business endeavors. While some entrepreneurs might find this decision potentially detrimental to the success of his or her business, the author argues that maintaining his physical health is essential to keeping his business running smoothly. He suggests that exercise is a major component of optimizing his mental and physical state, and that by prioritizing his health above his business, he’s actually able to be more successful in his business. The author even promotes this mentality for his employees and team members.

As an entrepreneur and business owner myself, I strongly identified with this article. Not only do I prioritize exercise in my own life, but I encourage my team to prioritize their physical health as well. Anyone who is familiar with my writing knows that I believe daily movement to be one of the most important factors of health and wellness, and that I’ve set up my workspace to ensure that I’m able to accomplish this daily movement while still working long hours. Unfortunately, lack of movement might be one of the most health-deteriorating trends of our time, and many of us are unable to get the daily movement we need to keep our bodies healthy.

That’s why I created my new program called Made To Move. Many of us, myself included, don’t have time to get to the gym every day, or aren’t interested in doing (unnecessarily) hardcore fitness programs. The truth is, it doesn’t take much activity to keep you healthy, provided you’re getting the right type of activity to keep your body appropriately stimulated. And you don’t need an expensive gym membership to stay fit – with Made to Move, you can do all of the exercises at home, or even at the office.

The goal of this course is simple: to help you move more. If you’re a business owner like me, you can appreciate the benefits of an exercise program that fits in with your busy work day while promoting good physical and mental energy. I hope you’ll join me in Made To Move, and start prioritizing your physical health even above your business!

Research Report

• Beware of the ‘summer slide‘ when it comes to good eating habits. 
• This study shows people eat more when food is branded as ‘fitness’ food.
• How much and at one time of day should you exercise to improve sleep? 
• Our calorie-laden diet generates more ill health than physical inactivity, alcohol and smoking combined.
• Running, or any aerobic exercise, could be a legitimate form of therapy.
• Walking in nature might be an antidote to negative thinking.
• Animal protein intake, but not plant protein intake, is associated with higher lean mass in adult men and women.
• A study showed that a low-carbohydrate diet produced greater glycemic control in type 2 diabetics compared to low-fat diet.
• This is an interesting study examining the link between autoimmune conditions and gut conditions like SIBO.

Worth A Look

• It is not just ‘gluten’ we look at in cases of gluten sensitivity, but other biologically active molecules as well.
• Have you seen the Dirty Dozen fruits and veggies with highest pesticide residue?
• Enjoy the outdoors without the bug bites and toxic bug repellents with this recipe for all natural bug repellent.
• Would your kids exercise for chocolate?
• Learn what your tweets say about your risk for heart disease.
• Immediately feel happier in just two minutes with one of these happiness exercises.
• Is gluten sensitivity real? And does research trump individual experience?
• (NSFW) Humor and meditation are great stress relievers, and here they are combined into one.

For the Foodies

• Pilates Nutritionist: Grass-Fed Beef Liver Pate
• Stupid Easy Paleo: Watermelon Mojito Salad
• Everyday Paleo: Steak and Strawberry Salad with Maple Almond Butter Dressing
• Primal Palate: Perfect Paleo Pizza
• My Heart Beets: Tandoori Salmon
• Zenbelly: Crispy Chicken Thighs with Spicy Peaches
• Nom Nom Paleo: Chicken Prosciutto Involtini
• The Clothes Make The Girl: Snap Peas with Lemon, Mint, and Pistachios
• Bare Root Girl: Roasted Cauliflower Rice with Cilantro & Lime
• Paleo Parents: Balsamic Roasted Cherry Popsicles
• The Iron You: Ginger and Vanilla Bean Apricot Compote
• The Paleo Mom: Egg Free Chocolate Banana Bread

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Pin it

The conversation on Maureen’s delicious Cucumber, Ginger, and Prosecco Sangria centered on brandy. What kind of brandy to use for sangria? Here’s one excellent comment from a reader — all good advice!

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Pin it

Q: I just signed a lease for a new apartment, which I’m very excited about. I love the place, but the kitchen comes with a glass electric stovetop. I’ve invested in some good Le Creuset pieces over the last few years and they’ve become my go-to cookware. I use my grill pan alone three to four times a week sometimes!

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Pin it

It’s a welcome treat any time of year, but there are few things more satisfying than homemade ice cream on a hot summer day. The two just have a magical way of going hand in hand.

While it’s easy to make ice cream at home, there are a few key steps to always remember and a couple pitfalls to watch out for.

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Pin it

Every season, there’s that moment when the whole idea of “seasonality” wears thin — when you’re done with a particular variety of produce before it’s done with you. Or maybe it’s just the inundation of summer squash, zucchini, and tomatoes that bring on those feelings. When it does, I throw together this simple little casserole and fall in love all over again.

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Pin it

From Apartment Therapy → Reversible Decor: 15 Temporary Wallpapers for the Kitchen

READ MORE »