http://www.marksdailyapple.com/

Today’s post is from Jennifer Dene at Paleohacks. 

Ready to develop your upper body? Skip the isolation exercises and build functional arm strength with these 20 easy bodyweight exercises — no gym membership required!

Functional training exercises mimic moves that we do in real life. These exercises often include compound movements that integrate multiple muscle groups at once. The benefit of functional training is increased strength, agility, mobility, and reduced risk of injury.

When it comes to increasing arm strength, many workout routines isolate the “vanity muscles” — biceps and deltoids in particular get a lot of love and attention. Unfortunately, these isolation exercises can cause an imbalance in muscle development, which puts the arms and shoulders at increased risk of strain or injury.

The key to well-developed arms (that are as practical as they are pretty) is to focus on functional, compound movements. Each arm workout should include a combination of mobility, stability, and strength exercises, targeting each of the muscles through the upper and lower arms, and the front, back and sides of the shoulders.

This workout starts with mobility and stability exercises that are suitable for all levels. It then moves on to a series of basic bodyweight arm exercises; your current level of strength will determine how challenging you find these moves. The final “power set” is best suited to individuals with advanced fitness. Feel free to skip any of the exercises in this section until you are ready for the challenge.

The moves in each section prepare you for what will come next. For example, the inchworm prepares your body for a push-up, which prepares your body for a power push-up. Start at the top and work your way through.

Mobility & Stability

Arm Swings: Dynamic stretching warms up the muscles you will be using during your workout. Stand with your back straight and abs engaged, gently start swinging your arms out to the side and then crossing them in front of your body, alternating which arm swings in front. Gradually start making the swings larger so you can feel a slight stretch in your chest and between your shoulder blades. Swing arms 20-30 times.

Wall Clocks: Wall clocks are a great exercise for shoulder stability as they recruit your rotator cuff and scapular stabilizers. Place your hands on a wall about shoulder-width apart. Without shrugging your shoulders up, slide one hand out to the side, still touching the wall. Move the hand back to the starting position. Perform 3 sets of 5 on each side.

Scapula Retraction (Shoulder Blades Squeeze): This exercise will strengthen the middle back muscles, which keep your shoulders healthy. Stand with your shoulders relaxed and arms down by the side. Gently retract your shoulder blades by pretending you are trying to squeeze a tennis ball in the middle of your back. Release the shoulders back to the starting position. Keep your upper shoulders relaxed throughout the exercise. Perform 3 sets of 10.

Extend & Flex: Training the forearms, wrists and hands in all planes of motion will help you improve your grip for weighted arm exercises, as well as reduce elbow and wrist strain. Start with your arms extended away from your chest, palms facing down, and fingertips reaching long. Bend the wrist and point the fingertips down towards the ground. Flex the wrist and point the fingertips up towards the ceiling. Keep a slight bend in the elbows and keep the upper arm still as you move the wrists. This exercise strengthens and stretches the forearm flexors. Perform 12 to 16 repetitions in each direction.

Inchworm: This exercise prepares your body for push-ups, which will strengthen the chest, arms, shoulders, and core. Start by standing at the end of your mat with your feet hip-distance apart. Bend forward to place your hands flat on the mat in a forward fold (your knees may bend slightly). Walk your hands out about a foot at a time all the way out into a full plank position. Hold in the plank for a second or two, walk your hands all the way back into the forward fold, and roll up to standing. Repeat 5 times.

Chest Foam Roller Stretch: When your chest muscles get tight, it pulls your shoulders into a forward rounded position. This weakens the back of the shoulders and compromises your ability to perform planks and push-ups. Lie down along the center of a foam roller or rolled up blanket. Press your low back flat against the roller. Open your arms to the side at a 45-degree angle and let gravity bring your arms down towards the floor. Stay in this position and breathe for 1 – 2 minutes.

Upward Facing Dog: This move wakes up the back of the shoulders, and the triceps at the back of the upper arm. Keep your elbows tucked in towards your torso. Lay on your stomach and place your hands under your shoulders, with your palms flat on the floor. Draw your chest forward, press down through the tops of the feet and straighten your arms to come to Upward-Facing Dog. The legs are strong and active, the shoulders are relaxed down away from the ears, and your focus is on extending through your upper back, not stressing your lower back. Hold for 3 seconds before lowering. Repeat 3 – 5 times.

Basics

Mastering basic functional arm exercises is an absolute must before moving on to the more complex, and power-based, moves. The following exercises strengthen the arms and shoulders, as well as the core. If you are advanced enough to complete the entire workout, including the “power” section, the basics act as the second phase of your warm up.

Wide Pushup: Having a wide hand position will allow you to focus on your chest muscles and front shoulder muscles. Start in a full plank position, with your hands slightly wider than your shoulders and in line with your chest. Engage your abs, and lower into a push-up. At the bottom of the push-up your elbows should bend to the side at a 90º angle. Press back up to the starting position. Repeat 5 – 10.

Narrow Pushup: This variation focuses on the tricep muscle, which is smaller and weaker than the chest, making it a bit harder than the wide push-up. Start in a full plank position with your hands directly under your shoulders. Engage your abs and lower into a push-up. At the bottom of the push-up your elbows should be close to your sides, with the elbow joint pointing back. Press back up to the starting position. Repeat 5 – 10.

Lateral Plank Walk: This exercise strengthens the lateral delts; these muscles help you lift objects straight out to the side of your body. Start in a full plank position with your hands directly under your shoulders and feet hip-distance apart. Slightly shift your weight into your left hand and leg as you step your RIGHT hand and foot out about six inches to the right. Slightly shift over to the right side of your body as you step the LEFT hand and foot to come back underneath you. Continue stepping your hands and feet over to the right for 5-10 “steps” before stepping back to the LEFT. Repeat 3 rounds.

Forearm Side Plank: This targets the shoulder stabilizers, triceps, and obliques…all muscles that can get ignored during every day life! Lay on your RIGHT side, stacking your hips and feet. Position your bottom RIGHT elbow directly under your RIGHT shoulder. Lift your bottom hip off the ground to create a straight line in a plank. Your should be lifting from your bottom oblique and feel a slight pinch in the waistline. Reach your top hand towards the ceiling or place it on your top hip. Hold for 10 – 30 seconds. Switch sides. (To modify this exercise, keep your bottom knee on the ground.)

Rear Deltoid Raise: This exercise can be done with or without free-weights. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, holding your dumbbells with palms facing in. Hinge from your hips and lower your torso down towards the floor so that it is almost parallel to the floor. With a very slight bend in the elbows, squeeze your shoulder blades together as you raise your arms out to the sides. Slowly and with control, lower the weights back down. Be sure to relax your traps and neck as much as possible. Repeat 3 sets of 10 repetitions.

Tricep Dips: Use a kitchen chair, coffee table, park bench, or even the side of your bed for this exercise. Sit on a chair or table and place your hands on the edge so that your fingers are hanging off. Keep the shoulders over the wrists as you lift your hips up and place them just in front of the chair. Bend your elbows and lower your hips down, making sure to keep your elbows pressing back and your chest lifted. Press back up using the backs of your arms. Repeat 3 sets of 10 repetitions.

Reverse Plank: This targets the triceps, rear deltoids, and stretches the chest. Start seated with bent knees, feet flat on the floor, and the arms extended behind you with fingertips pointing towards your feet. Keep a slight bend in the elbow, squeeze your backside and then lift the hips straight up, so that you’re in a flat line from throat to knees. The head can look up to the ceiling or down along the thighs. Continue to squeeze the legs and lengthen the spine as you hold for 5 breaths. To advance, straighten the legs. Repeat 3 rounds.

Decline Pushup: This is a progression for regular wide or narrow push-ups. It increases the resistance, and focuses on the upper part of your chest and the shoulders. The higher your feet are elevated the more challenging the exercise will become. Place your hands on the floor, wrists a little wider than shoulders*, and carefully step your feet back onto a (stable) chair or bench. You should now be in plank position. Perform a push-up, bending the elbows to the side, and keeping your spine completely flat. Start with a smaller decline and work your way to a higher level, once you’re ready. *You can use the wide or narrow push-up hand position. Repeat 3 sets of 5 – 10.

Pike Pushups: This push-up targets the top of the shoulders, similar to an overhead press, and prepares your body for handstands! Start in a downward-facing dog position, with the hands wider than the shoulders. Shift more weight into your hands than your feet, and look at your belly button to keep your neck in line with your spine. Bend the elbows out to the side and lower until the crown of your head just hovers above the ground; press back up. Repeat 3 sets of 5 – 10.

Dead Hangs: This exercise strengthens your grip (hands and forearms), and prepares your body for the pull-up. Find a horizontal bar, which you can easily jump up to and reach. Jump up and hold onto the bar, with the palms facing away from you. Now hang there, but here’s the key—maintain tension in your upper body, back, and core. It’s easy to dangle from a pull-up bar, but during a dead hang your shoulders should be down and your core tight. This helps activate the muscles you’ll need for pull-up power. Hold for 10 – 30 seconds.

Power Set

These final four exercises are definitely advanced. They use multiple muscles, require great core strength and postural alignment, and may or may not be right for you today. If you’re not quite there yet, keep at it and use these exercises as a goal.

Push Offs: This exercise adds an explosive element to the push-up, which engages more muscle fibers throughout the entire arm, shoulders and core. Start in a plank position with your hands directly under your shoulders. Bend the elbows to lower down towards the floor, keeping your elbows close by your sides, as if you were doing a narrow push-up. As you press back up, power through your arms and push the hands an inch or two off the ground. Land softly, immediately bending the elbows back into another push-up. Repeat for 10-20 repetitions, and modify by doing this raised on a bench or chair if needed.

Wide to Narrow Pushup: To take the previous exercise even further try switching between a wide and narrow push-up, after each hand “jump.” Begin by performing a narrow-style push off, as written above. However, once you have powered off the floor, quickly separate your hands further apart, to land in a wide push-up position (elbows bent to land). Push off again and land in the narrow position (elbows bent to land). That’s one full repetition. Complete 4 – 8 full repetitions.

Pull Ups: This is a fantastic exercise for functional upper body strength. Depending on your grip, you can target biceps, triceps, lats, traps, shoulders, and core. Find a horizontal bar, which you can easily jump up and reach. Pictured is a traditional neutral-grip position, but you can also do wide or narrow variations (wide grip, palms face away from you, narrow grip, palms face towards you). Jump up and hold onto the bar. Then draw your shoulder blades down your back and away from your ears. Use your biceps, and squeeze your shoulder blades together as you draw your chest up towards the bar—holding at the top for a second. With control, lower back down and repeat for 10-20 repetitions.

There you go: 20 moves for your workout today. Let me know which ones will make it into your routine this week. A big thanks to Paleohacks for the fantastic list! Have a great day, everybody.

The post 20 Easy Bodyweight Exercises To Build Functional Arm Strength appeared first on Mark’s Daily Apple.

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Last week we posted a video on Facebook from another food publication that got a lot of people talking. The video from Mind of a Chef on PBS highlights the inner workings of France’s Jean-Yves Bordier butter factory. The butter factory makes all its butter by hand and customizes it based on what different chefs need.

The video elevates the process of making butter to an art form, but unfortunately that’s not what got our fans on Facebook talking. Watch the video for yourself and see if it offends or bothers you in any way.

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, which means you might have noticed an influx of over-the-top candies and decorations in stores across the country. Besides making sure to pick up a box of chocolates, have you made any delicious plans with your sweetheart? While it might seem like a romantic idea to go out to your very favorite restaurant for a nice meal, I implore you to stay in.

Seriously, cancel your restaurant reservation while there’s still time. Hurry!

READ MORE »

http://chriskresser.com/

Parents often complain about the “terrible twos,” which more often than not turn into the “terrible threes and fours.” Ritalin is one of the most prescribed drugs to children, and the number of prescriptions doled out for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is increasing each year.

Beyond just attention and ability to focus, temperament also includes characteristics like introversion and extraversion, self-control, adaptability, intensity, and mood. Ratings of temperament in early childhood are good predictors of personality, behavior, and risk for psychopathology in later childhood, adolescence, and adulthood (1).

Previous articles on my blog have covered the basics of the gut–brain axis and how microbes can control food cravings. In this article, I will focus on how microbes might influence temperament in children, though much of what I will cover applies to adult behavior as well.

The developing brain

The development of a child’s brain lays the foundation for all future behavior and learning. In the first few years of life, an estimated 700 to 1,000 new synapses (connections between neurons) form every second (2). After this period of rapid growth and proliferation, the number of synapses is reduced via a process called pruning. During pruning, specialized immune cells of the brain called microglia break down synaptic material. This allows other connections to be strengthened and become more efficient. Studies have shown that pruning by microglia is essential for normal postnatal brain development (3).

The interaction of the child’s biology with his or her environmental conditions and experiences is what ultimately determines which connections are maintained. A synapse that is constantly activated will tend to be strengthened, while a synapse that never receives input will be pruned. In this “use it or lose it” fashion, the brain is extremely malleable during this critical period.

Could a disrupted gut be to blame for your toddler’s tantrums?

How the gut controls maturation and function of the CNS

What would happen to this process if you took away your gut microbes? Researchers in Germany sought to answer that very question. Using germ-free mice, they found that compared to conventional animals, mice lacking a gut microbiota exhibited abnormal microglial function and had abnormal development of the central nervous system (4).

The researchers wondered if microbial metabolites could be involved. The gut microbiota are constantly processing fermentable fibers from the diet and producing a wide range of metabolic end products, including short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs). SCFAs are known to be absorbed into circulation and influence host physiology by binding to free fatty acid receptors (FFARs) on cells throughout the body (5). Following this thread, the researchers genetically engineered mice to lack FFAR2 and found that these mice had similar microglial defects to those found in germ-free animals. They concluded that microbial metabolites are essential to microglia maturation and function (4).

Gut microbiome composition is associated with temperament in early childhood

A group of researchers at Ohio State University wanted to determine how human gut microbes might be associated with behavior in early childhood. They studied 77 children between the ages of 18 and 27 months. Ratings of temperament were provided by the mothers of the children using a standardized questionnaire, and fecal samples were collected from the children’s soiled diapers for microbial DNA sequencing (6).

The results of the study, published in 2015, were quite interesting. For both girls and boys, higher surgency/extraversion scores were associated with greater genetic diversity of microbes. In boys, higher sociability scores were also associated with greater microbial diversity. As the authors of the study explain, “the surgency/extraversion scale reflects a trait aspect of emotional reactivity characterized by a tendency towards high levels of positive affect, engagement with the environment, and activity.” Higher surgency/extraversion scores in children have previously been associated with lower depressive symptoms (1).

The researchers next wanted to look at specific groups of bacteria to see if there were any “bad behavior bugs.” They observed significant correlations between relative abundance of bacteria in the Rikenellaceae and Ruminococcaceae families and the Parabacteroides and Dialister genera and temperament. While it is unknown whether this relationship is causal, the researchers hypothesized a connection between the gut microbiota and the HPA axis.

The HPA axis, leaky gut, and temperament

The hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal (HPA) axis is an area of particular interest in relation to temperament. Studies in animal models suggest that early life exposure to mild or moderate stressors enhances HPA regulation and promotes lifelong resilience to stress. In contrast, exposure to extreme or chronic stress early in life can induce an over-reactive HPA axis and encourage vulnerability to stress throughout the lifetime (7). Changes in the function of the HPA axis have been linked to temperament in several studies (8, 9).

Notably, germ-free mice show an exaggerated HPA response compared to conventional mice, an effect that can be partly corrected by reintroduction of a microbiota, but only at a very early stage (10). If you’re an avid reader of my blog, you’ve probably already heard me talk about leaky gut. When the gut barrier is compromised, bacterial components and other materials from the gut lumen (endotoxin) can leak into the bloodstream. It turns out that endotoxin is a potent stimulator of the HPA axis, causing prolonged activation (11, 12).

We can now see clearly how gut dysbiosis and intestinal barrier disruption can lead to abnormal HPA function and behavior. Nonetheless, this is just one of many potential connections between the gut microbiota and temperament. We’ll explore a few more in the next section.

Other mechanisms: Neurotransmitters and the blood–brain barrier

In addition to regulating the immune system in the maturing brain, the gut also manufactures neurotransmitters throughout the lifetime. More than 90 percent of your body’s serotonin and 50 percent of your body’s dopamine are produced in your gut, along with about 30 other neurotransmitters (13, 14). The gut microbiota has also been shown to regulate the production of myelin in the prefrontal cortex, a region that is important for self-control and executive function (15). Myelin is like “insulation” for neurons, helping them to properly conduct electrical impulses.

Antibiotics provide another way to study the role of microbes in CNS function. Antibiotic-induced microbial dysbiosis in mice has been shown to impair cognition and decrease anxiety. Depletion of the gut microbiota from weaning onwards altered components of the tryptophan metabolic pathway and significantly reduced oxytocin, vasopressin, and brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) expression in the adult brain (16).

Lastly, the gut microbiota is essential for the maintenance of the selectively permeable blood–brain barrier. Just like in the gut, tight junction proteins between epithelial cells maintain the integrity of this barrier and prevent large molecules from entering the cerebrospinal fluid that encases the brain. Studies have shown that germ-free mice have reduced expression of these tight junction proteins and increased blood–brain barrier permeability (17). A compromised blood–brain barrier can easily lead to neuroinflammation and altered behavior.

Healthy gut, happy child

While there are certainly many things that influence a child’s behavior, the collective body of research in this area suggests that the gut microbiota may play an important role. Cultivating a healthy gut flora for your child may not only improve his or her behavior in the short term, but will also reduce the chance of mental health issues later in life. Here are a few ways to improve your child’s gut health:

• Probiotics or fermented foods
  In several studies, probiotic bacteria have been shown to reduce anxiety and depressive-like symptoms (18, 19, 20). One study in rats even found that probiotic supplementation reduced leaky gut and attenuated the HPA response to acute psychological stress (21).

• Prebiotics
  Specific groups of microbes break down prebiotic fibers to form beneficial metabolites. Many microbial metabolites are small enough to penetrate the blood–brain barrier (22, 23) and influence brain chemistry. Butyrate, for example, has profound effects on behavior and mood (24).

• Remove inflammatory foods and include bone broth in your child’s diet
  Healing the gut lining is essential to reducing gut and systemic inflammation that in turn can affect the brain.

• Avoid antibiotics unless absolutely necessary
  Most ear infections and upper respiratory infections are viral and are not influenced by antibiotic treatment. If your child does need antibiotics, see my steps on how to mitigate the damage.

See my free e-book on Gut Health for more details on healing the gut.

Now it’s your turn! Do you have unruly toddlers running your house? Did you know about the connection between gut microbes and behavior? Share your thoughts in the comments.

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

This month we partnered with the Astrotwins to reveal the ways your zodiac sign informs your chocolate preferences. According to the Astrotwins, “Each zodiac sign has a distinct set of personality traits — and believe it or not, there’s a chocolate recipe out there to match every horoscope sign.”

You, Taurus, are an epicure. You appreciate the finer things in life, especially when it comes to food and drink. Chocolate and red wine hold a special place in your heart, which means a sultry drink like red wine hot chocolate is right up your alley. You take pure delight in just about any good nibble or sip, but you especially love those that carry a gourmet touch. These five chocolate treats have just that and more to satisfy your pleasure-seeking self.

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

This time of year is chock-full of chocolatey decadence — in the form of a gift from a loved one, something homemade, or a sweet treat purchased at the February 15 post-holiday sales (who, me?). But don’t let it ruin your sugar buzz if half that truffle accidentally lands on your shirt or your couch. Here’s what you need to know to remove stains from anything your cocoa-covered fingers may touch.

READ MORE »

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

(Image credit: Vixon John)

A couple weeks ago Ben & Jerry’s officially announced that they would be adding three new flavors to their offering: Urban Bourbon, Oat of This Swirled, and Truffle Kerfuffle. The internet as a whole collectively freaked out over this beacon of hope for 2017, especially, I think, because one of them was boozy. “Want to enjoy a night on the town without leaving the house?” Ben & Jerry’s asks their customers in the description for Urban Bourbon ice cream. Yes, yes we do.

The pints are supposed to be released starting mid-February (like next week!), and we got a chance to try them before they hit freezers across the country. Here’s a little bit about each ice cream and some thoughts on what you should try first.

READ MORE »

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

Time has no meaning in this godforsaken cell.

How long have I been sitting here?

Hours?

Days?

The windowless walls feel like they’re closing in around me. A single neon light above gives the room an eerie glow and makes every shadow a distorted monstrosity. There I sit, alone, nervously awaiting whoever comes through a lone door in the corner.

Next to me, a small table full of sharp and twisted instruments that will surely be used to inflict excruciating amounts of pain.

I tell myself to not look at them, and yet I can’t look away.

As I silently curse my predicament, I can’t help but think, “please get this over with.” After all, waiting is the worst part.

Actually, it’s the second worst. The worst, of course, is knowing that I have nobody to blame for this predicament but myself. Afterall, it was my choices that led me here.

The door opens and a woman enters. She quietly puts on a pair of rubber gloves and gives me a look that turns my blood cold. I am convinced her overly pleasant smile is hiding an absolutely masochistic psychosis.

“Hello Stephen. Shall we begin?” she says in an accent that I can’t quite place.

The metal chair activates, and slowly begins to recline into the floor.  

I stare up at the ceiling, slowly close my eyes, and quietly begin to panic.

For the first time in 3 years, I am at the dentist.

Why I hate the Dentist

You’re probably now saying, “Damnit, Steve! I thought you were actually in trouble. You’re just going to the dentist! You are a terrible person and I hope somebody kicks you in the shin today.”

Sorry about that. I promise this has a point and you will learn a valuable life lesson today.

If you couldn’t tell, I hate the dentist. In fact, I would say have an actual phobia of going to one. And last week, for the first time in 3 years, I got my teeth cleaned.

I’m not afraid of the dentist because of the sterility of the building, or because the dentist himself is scary, or the fact that it’s always uncomfortable for me.

It’s more deeply rooted in shame back to my childhood, believe it or not.

When I was younger I used to drink a lot of sugary soda. Sunkist and Sprite were my favorites. Oh and Starburst candy! I also have soft teeth. So it wasn’t surprising that I would eventually get a cavity – I remember it like it was yesterday, because I thought it was the end of the world. I saw it as a major character defect, and if I remember correctly, my mom had to console me that it didn’t make me a broken person. Despite this deep shame I felt about my teeth being imperfect, I didn’t want to accept it.

… And that led to more problems.

Every time I would go to the dentist, it felt like I was playing Russian Roulette. Sometimes I would get a good check-up. Sometimes I would get drilled.

And every time I got drilled, the shame came rushing back. And so going to the dentist became an actual fear of mine.

Every 6 months, I could feel the hairs on my neck instinctively stand up when I found out it was time for my routine cleaning. The car ride to the dentist with my mom felt like William Wallace’s ride to the chopping block: “I don’t know what you’re going to do to me, but please just get it over with.”

It was never the time in the chair that ruined me, it was the anxiety leading up to the moment the dental hygenist would get start.

WORRYING that I would get yelled at, KNOWING that I probably had a cavity, and WAITING for them to decide my teeth’s fate. Sometimes they would drill. Sometimes they would lecture me on flossing. Sometimes I would get a clean bill of health.

Regardless of the outcome, I was a little ball of stress walking in. Every single time.

Now that I’m older, my dental hygiene has significantly improved. I’ve been using an electric toothbrush for years. I don’t drink soda, I don’t eat candy, and I generally take care of my mouth. I even bought those little floss pick things and manage to floss every once and awhile!

And we all know how hard flossing is. Mitch Hedberg said it best:

“People who smoke cigarettes, they say “You don’t know how hard it is to quit smoking.” Yes I do. It’s as hard as it is to start flossing.”

Anyways, my last cavity was in like 2008, and regular visits to the dentist were fine until 2013.

However, since I’ve moved so damn much since starting Nerd Fitness, my insurance has changed a bazillion times, and I have this irrational fear of the dentist, I’ve conveniently been “too busy” to go to the dentist for the past few years.

I used every excuse in the book for years as to why I couldn’t be bothered to get my teeth cleaned. It wasn’t my fault. I just had other things that had to happen first. For YEARS.

Can you see what’s REALLY happening here?

Obviously I know dental hygiene is really important. I have an insurance plan that covers a free teeth cleaning every six months, which means not going is a dumb thing to do. The sooner I go to the dentist, the sooner I can learn if there are any issues, and the sooner I can get rid of any hidden build-up before it becomes a problem.

Logically, I know all of these things. And yet it had been 3 years since my last dental visit.

Why? Because I was afraid.

In my head, I told myself: “If you don’t go to the dentist, then you can’t be told you have a cavity. If you can’t be told you have a cavity, then you don’t have one. Aka you have perfect dental health. There’s no ambiguity or anxiety. Problem solved!”

You might read that sentence and say, “Steve, you are being ridiculous. If you have a cavity, waiting LONGER to deal with it is only making the problem worse. You are a grown man that owns a fitness company. This is absurd.”

To those, people I say, “DON’T YOU THINK I ALREADY KNOW THAT!?” I’m not saying my thought process is rational or even intelligent here. In fact, I know it’s really really really dumb. I know how important it can be to take care of myself. I go to the gym 4 days per week. I get plenty of sleep! I eat pretty damn well! I really take care of myself.

And yet, my brain convinced me for 3 years to avoid the dentist and thus avoid judgment/pain/acknowledgment that my teeth aren’t perfect.

That is absurd, and yet… here we are.

Last week, my anxiety, shame, and guilt all came flooding back the second I walked down that dental office hallway, past cell after cell, until I reached mine. I felt like a character in the most recent Hostel or Saw movie.

Now, you might have read all of the above and can actually relate: “Ha! I’ve totally done the same thing! Can’t get in trouble if I don’t go right?! Can’t get a cavity if nobody tells me I have one! It’s science.”

Whichever camp you happen to fall in, I have a lesson for you.  

You might not relate to this irrational fear of the dentist, but I bet there’s a darkness your life that you’re avoiding too.

In your relationships, your job, or even looking in the mirror…

What’s hiding in the darkness?

Somebody left a comment on a recent article I wrote about shame, guilt, hero-worship, and offending people: “This isn’t anything that offended me, it just casts a light where I don’t want to look. I’m tired of doing this to myself. I’m done with fooling myself. My belly hitting the desk in front of me has pissed me off for the last time.”

We all do it!

As long as we pretend like whatever is hiding in the darkness doesn’t exist then we don’t have to confront it or deal with it. If we don’t address, acknowledge, or measure it, then we can pretend that this particular thing, obscured by darkness, isn’t real. And thus, we can go on naively innocent assuming all is well.

Even if the last time we looked in the darkness was years ago. Kind of like Schroedinger’s cat… my teeth were both perfect and imperfect at the same time – that as long as I didn’t look in the box both existed and thus I could continue judgment and acknowledgment-free.

And I get it, the darkness is scary!

The Darkness is also an awesome band from the mid 2000s, but that’s neither here nor there.

I’m reminded of the amazing dog cartoon you’ve definitely seen – he’s sitting there as a fire engulfs his surroundings. Despite this madness, he’s quietly drinking his coffee saying “this is fine.”

Some might say this is a dog resigned to his fate, like the captain of the Titanic going down with his ship. Might as well enjoy a cup of coffee, saying “this is fine” while the world burns.

Instead, I look at it from a different angle. Mostly because then all of this makes sense, and I can live out my dream of sharing this comic in a NF article and help you live a better life.

What if this dog is refusing to accept the fact that HIS HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN, and instead chooses to tell his brain, “This is fine. All is well. No need to panic.” Of course, had he panicked sooner, he could have just… left the building.   

I am this dog on fire when it comes to my teeth. Everything is fine! Don’t pay attention to your mouth. Just ignore it. If you don’t go to the dentist, you can assume your teeth are as perfect as the last time you had them cleaned. Even if that was years ago and one of your teeth sometimes hurts.

We need to confront the darkness, and we need to do it now. We can’t ignore the obscured parts of our lives we want to avoid and tell ourselves, “This is fine.”

Are you guilty of any of the following rationalizations?:

1. If I don’t step on the scale, then I don’t need to address the fact that I have slowly put on 5 pounds a year for the past decade.
2. If I don’t look at my bank statement, then I don’t need to address how little money I have and need to start saving. YOLOOOOO TIME TO BUY ANOTHER GADGET.
3. If I don’t go to the doctor and get an annual physical, then I don’t have to get yelled at and have him tell me i’m overweight and at risk for Type-2 diabetes.
4. If I don’t check my credit score, then I don’t need to address the fact that I have “the credit score of a homeless ghost” (shout out to New Girl) and address the fact that I have a spending and credit problem.
5. If I don’t tell my kid that I found his drug stash, then I can go on naively assuming he’s still the little angel I raised him to be.
6. If I don’t have this uncomfortable conversation with my partner, then I don’t need to address the fact that I’m in a loveless relationship or that I’m no longer attracted to them.
7. If I don’t go see a therapist then I don’t have to confront the fact that my mom was a shitty parent and I’m doing the same thing to my daughter.
8. If I don’t open my mail or answer my phone, then I can’t talk to the bill collector and avoid the fact that I’m three house payments behind. Lalalalala, can’t hear you.
9. If I don’t take the red pill and see how deep this rabbit hole goes, then I don’t have to address the fact that I’m in a prison for my mind and I can go back to my blissfully ignorant life in The Matrix.

We have dark corners we purposefully avoid, and we don’t want to know what’s in them. Shining a bright powerful spotlight on the thing we don’t want to acknowledge can be horribly PAINFUL.  

In my mind, it’s also the grown-up thing to do. As we all try to do a bit more adulting (even me, at age 32), we need to confront the darkness. After all, we know the truth.

That through avoidance and refusal to peer into that darkness,and the longer we wait to confront what’s hiding in there, the WORSE it gets. That every day we wait to confront the problem, is making our eventual confrontation harder and harder on ourselves A simple cavity becomes sugery. Slightly overweight becomes obese. Obese becomes life threatening. Poor becomes broke.  And the whole time we’re sitting there going “this is fine.”

So help yourself, and go get a big damn flashlight.

Shine a light and own it.

There is a BIG challenge that comes with shining a light on something you’ve purposefully kept hiding in the darkness.

Whatever it is, it might be significantly WORSE than you ever thought possible:

• That the scale is much higher than expected. Like 75 pounds heavier. FML.
• That I actually have less than no money. I can’t believe I bought that crap last week.
• That I have 6 cavities and need to get a tooth pulled. Shit.
• That talking to a therapist absolutely destroys me and digs up all kind of mental issues and years of pain and abuse I’ve been avoiding.
• That I can’t afford this house I’m underwater on, and need to move back home with my parents.
• That this business was a stupid idea, and I need to declare bankruptcy.
• That I am somehow a dog, and sitting in a building that’s actually on fire.
• That I’ve somehow been living in The Matrix this whole time.
• That we have a painful conversation with a spouse who we learn has been cheating on us.

If you’re not prepared for it, if you aren’t ready to handle an answer that MIGHT be worse than you expected… learning the truth might hurt. Badly.

If we’re not careful,, this truth can cause us to sink further into shame or depression. We might feel ashamed of how badly we’ve botched things. Or guilty that we let things get so bad. Or stupid and worthless for not asking for help years earlier instead of suffering in silence.

Which is what we’re all really afraid of, and why we avoid shining the light.

We assume the “not knowing” is safer and less painful than the truth. As long as we don’t know, it can never be worse than we think it could be.  

Unfortunately, the “not knowing” is also what keeps us prisoner, and keeps us from addressing the problem head on, and always leads to more heartache (or toothache, heyo!) for ourselves. And we can’t start solving the problem until we learn what it is, and how big it is.

Which means you need to walk into the darkness with NON-JUDGMENTAL acceptance (a tall order), use 20 seconds of courage, and shine a big damn spotlight on what’s lurking there.

This is the hard part, but also the most important.

Feelings of shame and self-blame are going to rush in. The challenge is not identifying with that stuff. When I felt stupid and embarrassed for not going into the dentist for so long, it was hard not getting caught up in those feelings. But once they pass, the clouds part and you realize: hey, I’m here and owning up to this. I can’t fix yesterday, so I feel pride for finally stepping up and addressing this issue. I’m alive, “this too shall pass.”

So accept responsibility for your actions and say: “Okay, holy crap that is worse than I expected. I am GLAD I caught it now rather than waiting even longer. What can I start doing today to fix this situation?”

In other words, shine a damn light and own it:

DO NOT be mad at yourself for letting it get this bad.  

DO NOT let yourself get depressed about how much further you just realized you have to go to climb out of the hole you suddenly find yourself in.

As Rafiki taught Simba in The Lion King: “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

DO NOT BE MAD AT HOW BAD THINGS ARE.

INSTEAD, BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for finally stepping up and addressing it.

As the saying goes, you are under no obligation to continue being who you were 5 minutes ago. The OLD you was the one that avoiding addressing these challenges. The OLD you was naive and stupid and young (I don’t care if the OLD you was 5 minutes ago).

The NEW you is older and wiser, and stepping up to take ownership and action.

You still might be scared poopless, but at least you’re doing something about it. Great work.    

Stand tall, aim that big-ass spotlight into the dark corner, and F***ING OWN what you find there.

When you say “Alright, what’s in here? I got this.” it can change your mentality from shame and avoidance to acceptance and action.

Your next step will be to take this new baseline and improve from there. Don’t compare yourself to the past you thought you were before the spotlight (e.g. I needed my teeth were perfect and healthy, but with the spotlight I discovered new problems).

Instead, set a new baseline based on what the light revealed and grow from there:

“I can’t believe I put on 150 pounds” becomes “Okay, I am 350 pounds today. Next stop is 349.”

“I can’t believe I am $35,000 in credit card debt since I got out of college” becomes “Okay, I am starting at $35,000. I can start paying this down immediately. ”

“I used to be [skinny/debt-free/mentally-healthy] and now I am [negative shame-based identity]” becomes “This is where I am today. What can I do right now?”

Thank you for putting up with my dental horror story, now it’s your turn.  Please leave a comment and answer the following questions:

Where is the shadow in your life that you previously didn’t want to shine a spotlight on?

Can you use 20 seconds of courage and then write a nonjudgmental sentence about what you’ve revealed?

What’s one action step you’re taking today to start improvement?

For the record, I ended up having to go back to the Dentist Two more times after this most recent visit (only one cavity though!), and I’ve already scheduled the next appointment in my calendar for 6 months from now.

-Steve, smiling

(kind of…my mouth is pretty numb at the moment)

###

Photo: regonold: jail

Originally Posted At: https://breakingmuscle.com/feed/rss

read more

http://www.thekitchn.com/feedburnermain

(Image credit: Tessa Huff)

Macarons are notoriously intimidating, fussy, and finicky. So why would you ever want to make them yourself instead of buying them from a fancy French bakery? Because they make the perfect, heartfelt Valentine’s Day gift.

READ MORE »