Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

Last week, I flew to Massachusetts to visit my 94-year grandmother in the hospital.

Let me tell you about this amazing woman.

Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No wonder I love the music of ​Alan Doyle​ (and ​Great Big Sea​), it’s in my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool teacher for 22 years and has been an active member in her community for her entire life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch multiple quilting initiatives over the years. She volunteered at the Council on Aging. She often drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the old people” (as she called it), which she did well into her 80s!

During past visits to Massachusetts, I would swing by Gramma’s for an afternoon, habitually checking my phone, often distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my brain. I think having known her my entire life, I just had this thought “Gramma has always been here, and Gramma will always be here.”

Fortunately, I stumbled upon an ancient Japanese concept that helped me recognize and course correct this pattern. It allowed all of my recent visits with Gramma to be decidedly different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会

There’s a concept dating back to Japanese tea ceremonies in the 1600s called ichi-go ichi-e:

This translates to: “one time, one meeting.”

It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace each unrepeatable moment in time. No matter how often we do something or see somebody, it is the only time that it will truly happen this way, in this moment.

This concept can remind us to be more present.

• Instead of checking our phones, we can focus on the person or task in front of us.
• Instead of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we can be here now.
• Instead of going through the motions, we can be a bit more deliberate with our behavior.

I’ve reflected a lot on Japanese Zen philosophy over the past few years (​see my essay about Wabi-Sabi​), and this concept of ichi-go ichi-e has stuck with me too.

Which brings me to my trips to visit Gramma this summer.

I stopped worrying about the future or ruminating on the past, put my phone down, and just sat with her.

I treated each visit as if it was the only time that I would get to have that interaction.

I asked her questions about her childhood. I learned that she spent a few summers living in a tent with no running water or electricity, while her father built their home with his own two hands. And how much she loved it.

She told me about her teenage years, including the time she snuck out of the house and got caught, and had to sit at the foot of her parents bed until the sun came up.

I learned more about my grandfather. She even shared photos of her wedding that I had never seen before:

She also found some photos of me and her from way back in the day!

This one was my favorite:

I returned to Nashville last month, unsure when (or if) I’d get to see her again.

It still felt different. I had connected with Gramma more deeply in a few visits than I probably had in the past 10 years combined.

Which brings me to this past week at the hospital.

Gramma’s Community

Last week, my brother and I drove up to visit Gramma in the hospital each day.

And each day, a revolving door of guests would show up to check on her:

Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mother (who just had surgery!). Her grandkids. The son of her best friend. Her friend Anne. Friends from the Council of Aging. Fellow quilters. People from her church.

At one point, there were 10 of us visiting at the same time, and it turned into an absolute party.

I was in awe of this woman and how many lives she has impacted.

If there’s a clear sign of a life well lived, it’s being surrounded by people who love you. Gramma has been selfless for so much of her life, and I was amazed and inspired at how many people dropped everything to come and spend time with her, swapping stories and keeping her company.

Despite the circumstances, she still has a great sense of humor too:

The first time she opened her eyes and saw me, she smiled and said, “I remembered another story!” She then told me about the time she “borrowed” a car, even though she didn’t have a license yet, to drive through the streets of Boston to track down her boyfriend.

While talking on the phone with her 94 year old brother in law, she asked “how are ya, you old geezer?”

When the doctor asked “are you feeling better today?” she replied “better than WHAT!”

Spending time with Gramma and all of the people from different parts of her life felt like the best possible use of my time. I am in love with the community she has around her, and I am constantly moved to tears by the love that so many people have for her.

This point was driven further home by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…

Live Deliberately

The hospital in which my Gramma is staying is right next to Walden Pond, the very pond made famous by Henry David Thoreau in his book ​Walden​.

One day, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet walk around its perimeter, watching the light of the setting sun dancing through the trees.

(The Japanese have a word for this too, it’s called “komorebi”.)

I then read the sign with Thoreau’s most famous reflection:

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated to solitude to discover what was most important to him.

Gramma went the other direction, prioritizing what’s most important to her: family, friends, and community.

Two different scenarios, the same end result:

Choosing to live deliberately.

I don’t have plans on moving into the woods and living simply, but I do think I’ve done my best to live more deliberately these past few years.

Specifically, re-prioritizing what’s most important to me too: friends, family, and community.

All We have to Decide…

A few years ago, Gramma presented my brother, sister, and I with three of her favorite handmade quilts.

“I was going to have these given to you grandkids after I passed away, but I want to give them to you now so that we can enjoy this moment together.”

She took the time to explain the meaning behind each quilt and why they were selected for each of us. I’m so thankful she did this, rather than waiting to hear about these beautiful quilts after she passed.

When I visited Gramma this summer, I discovered that she had printed my essay ​about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away​. I hoped I made Grampy proud, but I realized I never got to tell him just how much I learned from him before he died.

For that reason, I’m writing this essay now to make sure she knows just how much she taught me. I’m so proud of my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the opportunity to learn from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(I got a text from my father yesterday letting me know that he read this draft to her in the hospital and she loved it. Mission accomplished!)

I certainly hope Gramma gets better and is able to get back home. After all, she told her friend Laurie “I’m not done yet!”

But I also know that this is not up to us to decide.

As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can inspire you to live more deliberately:

• If you’re willing to put your phone down and be present with the people in front of you, life can feel so much more rich.
• If you’re willing to prioritize what’s actually important instead of the stuff that tries to steal your attention, you’ll never go wrong with the choices you make.
• If you can find a way to focus on the important people in your life, they’ll still be a part of it when you’re 94.

And finally remember, no matter what you do today, this is the only time this moment will happen.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: If you want a thought-provoking film about being present and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I highly recommend Wim Wenders’s ​Perfect Days​.

The post 94 Years of Wisdom first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

I know you’re overcomplicating things, because everybody does.

Including me, the nerd who studies this stuff for a living.

I shared a quick story the other day on ​Threads​ (and ​Instagram​):

A few thousand people resonated, and I couldn’t help but chuckle ​at the replies​. Magdalena jokingly said it best:

When life asks me to juggle chainsaws and then sets those chainsaws on fire, I tend to get away from the things that keep me functioning as a fulfilled human.

Lately, I found myself feeling a bit discombobulated and sluggish in the morning and struggled to focus.

So I asked myself where I was overcomplicating things and could simplify.

I went back to basics.

I got some exercise. I ate a ​balanced dinner​ (protein, vegetables, mini potatoes). And even though I’m hooked on Playstation’s Astro-Bot (delightful), loving Slow Horses on AppleTV+ (Gary Oldman is the man), and I’m really enjoying my time on ​Threads​…

I put down the phone.

I turned off the TV.

I climbed into bed at a reasonable time.

Instead of scrolling social media, I read some of Matt Haig’s new book ​The Life Impossible​, and then went to bed.

Weirdly, I woke up feeling like a million bucks

I had no problem focusing on my work.

I felt better.

It works. Crap.

Simple, Not Easy.

Many companies manufacture complicated problems to sell us complicated solutions:

“Be afraid of THIS ingredient, balance your gut microbiome, take these expensive supplements, do this complicated workout, buy this expensive mattress and mask and glasses and machine, only eat between 12:17pm and 7:34pm!”

Here’s your friendly reminder to go hard in the direction of simplicity:

Eat the right number of calories for your goal weight. Eat protein, fruits, and vegetables. Strength train 2-3x per week. Go for walks. Put down the phone and go to sleep.

If the scale isn’t going down, reduce calories consumed. Full stop.

Once we accept that the solution is simple (but not easy), we can figure out WHY we can’t get ourselves to do it.

This is the far more important question. We have hormones and kids and jobs and messy fights with our spouses and we’re all overwhelmed with inputs and information 24-7. Of course doing these things isn’t easy!

We don’t need to make it harder by focusing on the complicated. Instead, we need to remember that the simple solution is the right one, and put our focus on making that behavior the default one:

Speaking of which, Coach Matt Myers from Team NF put together a new resource that dives into both aspects of the above:

It’s our Starter Guide: how to eat and how to train, AND how to get yourself to do those things.

You can download it free ​here at the top of our Free Guides page​.

What part of your journey are you currently overcomplicating, and how can you simplify it today?

-Steve

The post You’re overcomplicating it. first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

We have two choices for how we spend the rest of 2024:

• Path A: Coast and say “I’ll start back up in January.”
• Path B: Treat it like a Beta Test for 2025.

Our brains are going to try and convince us to pick Path A.

I want you to pick Path B.

Here’s how Beta Testing works:

We’re going to experiment with our lives and find out what we want to work on in 2025.

We’re not looking to stick with the perfect workout, or trying to build a flawless streak of running every day. We’re not trying to be 100% adherent to the optimized diet.

• Want to be “somebody who goes to Pilates or Yoga” but you’re worried about the ongoing commitment? Great! Sign up for ONE class this week or next week. Try it out! You’re not committing to a lifetime. You’re trying it out to see if you want to do this in 2025.
• Want to be somebody who gets really strong, because you want toned arms or you know getting stronger is important? You don’t need the perfect workout plan to follow. You need to work up the courage to ​go to the gym and pick up one weight​.
• Want to be somebody who has a better relationship with food? You don’t need to plan out the next 40 days of meals. You don’t need to perfectly plan out each portion of your diet every day. You need to figure out which ​healthy meals​ you don’t hate preparing.

The fun part about beta testing is that you can stop doing things without feeling badly.

You’re an engineer, tinkering away at a project to see if it fits your lifestyle and schedule. You’re dabbling in different disciplines, ​sampling different foods from the buffet line​, to see what works for you.

Your goal is to experiment and find a workout strategy and diet plan that work for you that you can implement more regularly by the end of the year. This way, instead of starting from a dead stop on January 1st, you get to start with momentum and knowledge about what actually works for you.

Sign up for a class you’ve wanted to try.

Give yourself permission to try and fail a different diet.

Experiment with a different productivity strategy.

Let go of the strategies you keep trying and failing to implement. They don’t work for you.

Try new stuff.

After all, 2024 is just a beta test for 2025.

What are you going to test and try out this fall?

-Steve

The post This is a Test (Year) first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

For the first time in 10+ years, I rewatched my 2012 TEDx talk:

“​Nerd Fitness and Resetting the Game of Life.​”

My first thought: “Whoa, Steve. Those are some EPIC sideburns.”

My next thought: “Bold choice with the striped shirt, jeans, and flip flops!”

Then I gave myself some grace.

I’m deeply uncomfortable with the spotlight. I hate public speaking. It makes me want to vomit every single time. I also don’t like being on camera.

And yet, I have ideas that I think can help people.

So I write and share my ideas. And sometimes, I force myself to get on stage. For this talk, I had to take two buses through the jungles of Ecuador (where I was living at the time), and then take two flights to get to Atlanta.

I stayed at my friend Kappy’s house, and the night before the talk, I decided to stay up and rewrite the whole damn thing. That morning, I practiced my talk to his two dogs, and then hurried over to Emory and just went full YOLO and shouted my talk into the universe.

12 years later, rewatching this talk, I have thoughts.

If you want to take a trip down memory lane, you can ​watch the talk on YouTube​, which surprisingly has over 100,000 views.

My Biggest Surprise Rewatching…

It wasn’t as embarrassing as I thought!

Baby Steve actually had some decent ideas and was an okay storyteller! Especially when you consider I had rewritten the entire talk 12 hours prior and was on zero hours of sleep. Oh, to be young and naive again.

This is the slide that cracked me up the most, and I think the one I want to spend the most amount of time on:

Throughout most of my early 20s, I spent an unhealthy amount of time playing video games. At the time, I had convinced myself that the video games were the problem. They had become too addicting, too enjoyable, and they were the reason I wasn’t making much progress in my real life.

The reality is one level deeper. It wasn’t just the video games. It was that I didn’t have much life to look forward to. I didn’t like my job (selling construction equipment), I didn’t have goals or things in my personal life to look forward to. So I escaped into video games.

Older and wiser and with shorter sideburns, I have a better understanding of human behavior and my own personal struggles with procrastination and escape.

As laid out in my friend Nir Eyal’s book ​Indistractable​, if we don’t address the root cause of distraction or escape, our brains will get very good at finding yet another thing to get hooked on!

In other words, if you can go one level deeper as to WHY you’re procrastinating or avoiding reality (possibly with the ​help of therapy​) it can help you get out of the rut.

Once I found something to look forward to (for me it was turning life into an adventure video game like Zelda and EverQuest), suddenly video games became a far less appealing use of my limited free time.

These days, I still play video games regularly (I just finished Fallout 4), but I now know more.

When video games take over too much of my life, it’s probably because I’m avoiding confronting the reality of a problem in life.

Maybe I’m scared to get back to work on my secret-book-shaped project, because I worry it’s not good enough. Or maybe I’m avoiding an uncomfortable conversation or addressing a real problem in my life.

So, the solution isn’t unplugging the Playstation. It’s addressing the problem I’m actually working hard to avoid.

It’s better to know why I’m procrastinating instead of just blaming it on video games.

How’s My Epic Quest Going?

In my talk, I talk about my Bucket List, which I renamed my Epic Quest of Awesome. For a good 8 years, this was a big focus of mine.

Literally earning experience points for accomplishing quests in real life.

I did this after ​exercising around the world​ and living ​14 months of adventure travel​.

I even got a book published about turning life into a game, Level Up Your Life, back in 2016. I recently reacquired the rights to this book, and I’m hoping to put out a Version 2 in the coming year.

(This is why you can’t buy it now, sorry about that!).

12 years later, life is a bit different.

If you’ve been reading this newsletter for the past year, you might have noticed a theme: ​acceptance and self-compassion​.

I’ve changed my perspective on goals.

I had run myself ragged for over a decade, building Nerd Fitness, giving as much as possible, chasing the next goal. Each goal led to the next goal. Each dragon slain required me to go find another dragon.

It became an endless loop of perpetual “more more more.”

And eventually I realized that I had gotten pretty far away from what actually made me happy.

These past few years, I’ve decided to live a bit differently.

Instead of big long term goals with dramatically organized plans, I’ve narrowed my focus to: “How can I have a good day today?”

I live as if ​I will NEVER “get there.”​

I still have goals, and I still have things I hope to accomplish in life.

I’m just playing a different game than I was at 28. I think this “life is a game” philosophy served me well at the time, and I think now I have added a few extra doses of reality to how this plays out.

For somebody stuck in a rut, and escaping too much into virtual worlds, I think thinking about life like a video game can be a pretty fun way to try and break out of that rut.

It might not work for everybody, but I think having things to look forward to, and goals to work on, and then finding ways to make tiny bits of progress can help.

I cover this in an article called “​A Nerd’s Guide to Success and Happiness​” which still holds up!

A little bit of nuance and perspective can go a long way when gamifying life!

Wading into the Comment Section…

I made the perilous choice to wade into the cesspool of the internet:

The comment section on my video.

I was shocked to see that 95% of the comments were super positive!

There was one comment though, that provided me a unique opportunity to do something I’ve always wanted to do.

Prove somebody wrong on the internet.

In my talk, I mentioned that I hoped to one day deadlift 400+ pounds. I grew up scrawny and weak, and I later learned that I have spondylolisthesis, which means two of my vertebrae don’t line up.

For the past 15 years, deadlifting has been my favorite exercise. It’s the movement that has made me feel the most strong and empowered.

I went and found a ​video of myself from 2018​, where after 6+ years of dedicated, slow growth and focus on getting stronger, I deadlifted 420 pounds at a bodyweight of 172 lbs. No belt, straps, and double overhand grip too!

And yes. 12 years later, I HAD to reply and let the guy know I did it.

Not gonna lie, it felt good proving a random internet commenter wrong! Hahahaha

Petty and unnecessary? Yep!

Satisfying? Very.

Two Buttons: Power and Reset

I finished my talk with something that was far more powerful than I had expected.

The original Nintendo Entertainment System has two buttons: POWER and RESET.

In the game of life, we get to hit the power button once. It turns on when we’re born, and it turns off when we die.

But we also have an opportunity to hit the RESET Button. If there’s a thought or identity you have that’s no longer serving you, or some aspect of life that just isn’t working…it’s okay to hit the reset button.

It’s okay to try again, even if you failed the last time.

Remember, ​our knowledge carries over​, and we never start back at square one.

Game on, my fellow nerd!

-Steve

###

The post I apologize for my sideburns and striped shirt first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

For a long time, I took a lot of pride in never needing to rely on other people.

I am a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser, so I would often pride myself on NEVER allowing myself to rely on others. I certainly wouldn’t let myself burden somebody else with my struggles.

I jokingly shared how I felt about ​asking for help the other day on Instagram​:

I would gladly help others without a second thought. But saw it as a character flaw for myself (and ONLY myself) if I asked for help.

I believed that this was one of my strengths: figuring everything out on my own and being available to help everybody else but NEVER asking others for help or guidance.

I’ve come to realize how silly – and harmful – this mentality was. And I’ll drill the point home in two wholesome ways.

Asking For Help is a Sign of Strength

Lord of the Rings has been at the front of my mind for the past week.

Season 2 of Rings of Power recently started (and early reviews are saying it’s a marked improvement over Season 1, which has me excited!).

I also listened to a 3-part series about The Lord of the Rings on the ​What Went Wrong? Podcast​. It covers how this trilogy came to life, just how many things had to go right, and what a monumental feat it was bringing Tolkien to the big screen in such incredible and cinematically brilliant fashion.

Thinking about Middle Earth and Lord of the Rings reminded me of one of the memes that ​inspired me to start therapy​. If Aragorn, the manliest man ever (okay he’s Numenorean and part-elf, but you know what I mean) leaned on his friends…maybe it’s okay for me to lean on others for help too.

Asking For Help is a Super Power

While I reflected on writing this newsletter, I stumbled across a video that brought a massive smile to my face.

Powerlifter/personal trainer Sherein Abdelhady was filming herself doing heavy deadlifts in a commercial gym, and a random dude approached her between sets and asked one of the most wholesome questions I’ve ever seen in a gym interaction:

“Hey this is a weird request…but can you teach me how to deadlift?”

His request was polite and respectful, and Abdelhady was more than happy to help!

As a result, this guy learned how to deadlift from somebody who knew much more than he did in that area! And now this guy will have a better experience (and probably save himself from injury) for the rest of his life doing this incredible exercise.

What a super power! Props to this guy for being a real human, and recognizing that asking for help and being open to learning is a freaking superpower.

I’m used to seeing videos of women who are approached by jerks who offer unsolicited advice or mansplain (with terrible recommendations) to women who are far more knowledgeable than the jerk..

So this was an incredible flip of the script. I love it.

Asking For Help (One Last Thought)

I’ll leave you with one final thought before I ask YOU for a request.

When I ask for help, I have a tendency to follow it up with “I owe you one.”

This ​thought from professor Adam Grant​ changed my perspective:

I love this.

I have to stop myself EVERY TIME somebody helps me, and instead of saying “i owe you one,” I simply thank them. I know that I would gladly help them without expecting a favor in return. I help because it’s the right thing to do!

Here’s my question for you today:

Is there a part of your life where you’ve avoided asking for help, trying to figure it all out on your own?

Can you reframe this in a more useful way? One that sees asking for help as a sign of intelligence and strength – not weakness.

Can you reach out for help today, and NOT say “thanks I owe you one” and instead just pay it forward?

Ask for help! It’s good enough for Aragron, and this nerdy dude in the gym…it’s probably okay for you too.

-Steve

The post Ask For Help first appeared on Nerd Fitness.