Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

Stephen Wilson Jr. was a scientist working for Mars, Inc. (Yeah, the Candy company).

One day, his boss pulled him into an office and said something that changed his life:

“Stephen, you’re about to get promoted.”

Normally a cause for celebration, this was instead meant as a warning by his boss.

In a past life, Stephen had been a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent his evenings writing songs.

His boss knew Stephen was a damn good songwriter, and where he really belonged.

He told Stephen about the golden handcuffs:

“You’re in line for a promotion and they’re grooming you for the next level.

And you’re kind of at a crossroads.

Because if you take [the promotion], like I took it 30 years ago, your dreams of being a songwriter, they’re gonna be gone. This is going to consume every bit of you.

Right now you can write songs and do this job, but 6 months from now I’m not sure you’re gonna be able to. So I just want to give you a warning.”

That tiny voice in Stephen’s head, that had been there for years and years, started to get louder.

6 weeks later, with that inner voice now at a deafening volume, he put in his 2 weeks notice, which confused everyone (except his boss and his wife).

He started bartending and waiting tables to make ends meet while honing his craft, trying to get publishing deals in country music…while getting rejected for not writing ​“bro country” songs​:

He was told, “you write REAL songs. We can’t do nuthin’ with that…”

Years later, after some modest success writing songs for other musicians, he finally worked up the courage and experience and clout to start recording his own songs.

And last year, he finally put out his debut album, Son of Dad, which Rolling Stone called one of the best albums of 2023.

Recently, Stephen put out a ​jaw-dropping cover of Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me,”​ which I have listened to approximately 10,000 times over the past month.

(Seriously, please watch this video. It’ll give you goosebumps!).

Golden Handcuffs vs Uncomfortable Expansion

From 2008-2010, I also lived a dual life.

I had my day job at Sixthman, helping promote and produce floating music festivals. But I also spent my nights and weekends working on a little website helping nerds get fit.

My boss April and my mentor Andy (who owned the business) both knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to chase the uncomfortable future of trying to make Nerd Fitness into my career.

16 years later, we’re still going strong!

In Oliver Burkeman’s ​Four Thousand Weeks​, he encourages us to ask a specific question when making decisions in life:

“Where in your life or your work are you currently pursuing comfort, when what’s called for is a little discomfort?”

Asking ourselves “what would make me happiest” will most likely lead us towards the short term, comfortable, safe option.

Instead, we should be thinking which path will make us GROW as a person, or which version will cause us to SHRINK each week. We probably, deep down inside, know the answer to the question, if we have the courage to ask it.

Burkeman’s advice:

“Choose uncomfortable enlargement over comfortable diminishment whenever you can.”

Yep, sometimes chasing “uncomfortable enlargement” doesn’t result in a songwriting deal, or a successful business. I’ve chosen the uncomfortable path and sometimes things don’t work out. But that’s part of the process, and at least it removes the potential for unhealthy regret!

Which brings me to today’s mission.

Let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable

Let’s chase uncomfortable expansion in 2025.

• When we strength train, we force our muscles to get uncomfortable by lifting heavier and heavier weight – they respond by growing and adapting.
• If we use food as a coping mechanism when we’re sad or angry or bored, addressing our relationship with food can be uncomfortable.
• When we have uncomfortable conversations, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for the things that are important to us.

In 2025, let’s ask the question:

Where in your life are you snugly living in comfort and safety, when deep down you know the path of “uncomfortable enlargement” is what you really need to grow and help you get what you really want?

You might not need to quit your job immediately, or go all-in on a new goal or change…

But it could be worth asking yourself that uncomfortable question.

Life is hard, and change is harder.

Uncomfortable.

Scary.

Messy.

But if you’re willing to say NO to comfort, it might be exactly what you need.

-Steve

PS: ​We’re doing a free 5-day workshop​ for people who are looking to build new habits that actually stick in 2025, it starts in a few days!

The post Growth over Comfort first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

2024 is drawing to a close, so I wanted to hit you with one final newsletter before the chaos of 2025 kicks off.

It’s that time of year where our brains will almost automatically look back on the past year.

What went right, what went wrong.

What we accomplished, what we failed to follow through on.

If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to overindex on the “what went wrong” part, and feel all sorts of negative emotions around those things.

We might look back with guilt at something we did or didn’t do. As I mentioned in an earlier newsletter, I’m somebody who has ​the most amount of “Catholic guilt”​ even though I’m not religious.

I stumbled across a story a few months back that I’m still thinking about. Allegedly, there’s no word in the Tibetan language that directly translates to “guilt.” The closest possible translation is something closer to “intelligent regret.”

I don’t speak Tibetan and I haven’t been able to track down a Tibetan speaker to confirm this, but I think it’s a beautiful sentiment that can help us as we move into 2025.

Guilt can be corrosive and unproductive. But as Dan Pink points out in his book ​The Power of Regret​, looking backward with the right kind of regret about things that happened or didn’t happen can actually be powerful and transformative for our future selves.

So, rather than trying to live a life of “no ragrets” (the opposite of intelligence)…

We can apply regret intelligently to how 2024 went.

So, in honor of the band Oasis reuniting for the coming year, ​don’t look back in anger​ (still an all-time jam, by the way).

Instead…let’s look back with curiosity.

Look back with curiosity, not judgment.

Take some time today, and look back on your year with ​curiosity, not judgment​.

Did you accomplish the things they wanted to accomplish? Great! I bet you learned something.

Did your life go off the rails and you spent most of the year just trying to stay afloat! Great! I bet you learned something! Did you start and stop and bail on a goal repeatedly? Great! I bet you learned something!

Write these things down. Notice the emotions you feel as you look back. Write down what you learned, and how that can inform future decisions or choices you make.

Maybe you learned that you hate running, or that going Keto was an absolute failure, or that becoming a first-time parent really messed with your life entirely, or that we can’t stick to a morning routine.

These are all things that happened. Now, we must decide what sort of emotion to apply to those things.

Remember, ​the past isn’t set in stone​, and some of these setbacks or failures might be the very lesson you needed to learn for Future You. They might be the catalyst for your next step forward.

Remember, it’s NOT “I screwed up/failed, therefore I’m a lost cause…”

It’s, “I screwed up/failed, and learned this lesson I can apply towards 2025.”

How will 2025 be different?

Next week, we’ll be kicking off our ​free 5-day challenge​ with coach Matt from Team NF.

If 2024 didn’t turn out the way you wanted or hoped, I’m sorry.

Life is weird and change is hard.

Let’s make 2025 different! After all, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.

If you want things to be different, let’s make that happen.

The Nerd Fitness Rebellion will be with you all the way.

Have a great holiday, and I’ll talk to you next week.

-Steve

PS: Here’s that ​sign-up one more time for our free 5-day challenge​. Cheers!

The post Don’t look back in anger first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

On December 19th, 2001, The Fellowship of the Ring hit theaters and nerd culture was forever changed.

If you’re like me, you associate these movies with the holidays and are about to rewatch all three films (extended editions obviously).

I was rewatching the Fellowship recently, and I had a funny thought.

While they’re in the Mines of Moria, Gandalf is reading the final entry in the Book of Mazarbul, the diary of Balin and his fellow dwarves and their expeditions – and demise – inside the mines:

We cannot get out:

The end comes soon.

we hear drums drums in the deep.

They are coming…

As I was watching this scene, I couldn’t help but laugh as I thought of current gym-goers worrying about the crowds coming in January:

“They are coming…”

Right now, millions and millions of people are ready for “new year, new me.”

Many of those people – maybe yourself included – have decided January 1st will be the day to get back into the gym, or start your workout routine back up.

I think this is GREAT!

Studies show that having a “fresh start” or picking specific temporal landmarks like January 1st can be beneficial for making changes.

There’s one problem though: “going to the gym regularly” isn’t one decision.

It’s dozens of decisions that must be made:

• Which gym are you going to join?
• Will you get changed at home or in the locker room?
• What’s the parking situation like?
• What time of day works best for you?
• What level of gym membership will you get?
• Will you pick classes or train alone?
• Which pieces of equipment will you use?
• Do you know how to use that equipment?
• Will you shower at the gym or at home?
• How many times per week will you work out?
• What if your equipment is being used?

If you find gyms intimidating or anxiety inducing, doing ALL of this in January is like playing a video game on Legendary Difficulty:

The equipment you want to use might be occupied.

The parking situation might be a nightmare.

The class you want to take might be full.

You will look for any excuse to tell you why you can’t do something. If you’re intimidated by a gym or flustered because it’s overcrowded, then your brain will beg you to stay home and never join.

I know right now, your brain is telling you “Wait until January 1st…” before you try again.

That’s fine!

However! If you’re willing to take a few steps NOW, Future You will have a much better chance at succeeding.

So here’s the challenge…

Join today, but don’t even work out!

This is the PERFECT opportunity to join without the ​added pressure of ALL OF HUMANITY​:

This allows you to get all the EXTRA decisions out of the way:

which gym, where to park, what time of day you’re going to go, etc.

I’m a fan of Terry Crews’s advice for building a habit of going to the gym:

“Go to the gym, and just sit there, and read a magazine, and then go home. And do this every day. Go to the gym, don’t even work out. Just GO.

Because the habit of going to the gym is more important than the workout. Because it doesn’t matter what you do.

You can have fun — but as long as you’re having fun, you continue to do it.”

Try and think of these next two weeks as a beta test without expectation!

There’s no workout routine to follow.

You’re making sure you know where the equipment is and how it works

You’re doing a dry run of what it would be like to work out in the morning or at night.

You don’t have to beat yourself up for not being perfectly consistent.

Instead, you’re just focused on building the toughest part of the routine now (getting in the car or walking to the gym and opening the door).

Which means you can hit January 1st with momentum. And never underestimate how powerful momentum can be.

I’m NOT above bribing you!

A lot of people will join our ​Coaching Program​ in January, which is exciting!

But just like joining a gym early has benefits, joining our coaching before the rush means less waiting, more time to get set up with your coach, and more momentum heading into the new year!

We see this every year… which brings me to my two nudges for you.

NUDGE #1: If you are on the fence about coaching, ​schedule a time​ to talk to a Team NF member this week.

While you’re speaking with us, just mention “Fellowship” for $50 off your first month or $100 off our longer prepay plans.

Learn More about Nerd Fitness Coaching

Hopefully this nudge can help make your decision slightly easier, plus it’ll be easier for us to match you with the right coach before things get a bit more crowded in January.

Oh, and if NF Coaching isn’t in the cards for you right now, no worries!

NUDGE #2: To kick off the first week of January, we are running a ​free 5-day kickstart challenge​ here at Nerd Fitness, hosted by Head Coach Matt Myers. Simply click on the button below and sign up!

Join the Free 5 Day Kickstart Challenge

Matt will be tackling the number one reason why most people fail to follow through with their fitness and nutrition programs – and what you can do to make 2025 the year that things actually stick.

Okay, back to watching Lord of the Rings!

-Steve

The post Things are about to get crazy first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

A few years back, I attended my friend Nick’s blowout 40th birthday party.

As part of the celebration, he hired an improv comic, and we all had to participate in learning improv comedy.

(I just felt the collective shiver of all the introverts reading this newsletter).

We started tossing out fun scenarios and scenes to participate in, and we learned about the most important rule of Improv: “Yes and.”

Two simple words, and the foundation for all of improv comedy:

Whenever somebody comes up with a scene, sentence, or situation, the ONLY acceptable response is: “yes and”

• Yes: Acceptance! I accept and acknowledge that whatever the situation is, no matter how absurd, to be true.
• And: build! Like a tennis match, after your improv partner hits the ball to you, your job is to hit it back! Building on the situation or scene.

For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate” your response could be:

• “Yes, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
• “Yes, and I’m a first mate looking for a new crew, this is perfect!”
• “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”

The “yes and” rule is so crucial, because there’s nothing worse than a bad improv partner!

Kind of like Liam Neeson in ​this short sketch​ with Ricky Gervais, (I laugh every time):

The Yes And Rule for Life

As a former overachieving “gifted child” who has quite the negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard on incorporating “yes and” into my life.

The “yes” part is built around acceptance, which is something I’ve spent the past two years working to embrace.

Check out my past essays on ​Acceptance​ and ​Wabi Sabi​ for more.

It’s the “and” part I’ve focused on lately.

As Dr. Kristen Neff points out on in her book ​Self-compassion​, life is complex and so are humans:

“Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simplistic labels.

Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brains think they are either.

So despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black-or-white, yes-or-no, good-or-bad terms… We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.

Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.

This is my task for you today.

Is there a part of your life that feels black-or-white, and instead could use a bit of complexity?

• Change is hard, AND I am capable of making progress.
• I failed at some goals in 2024, AND ​I learned lessons to apply​ in 2025.
• I might be starting over, AND ​I never start at square one​.

Nothing is as simple as it seems.

Life is hard, and change is hard. AND you’re a good person who’s trying.

Which means there’s hope. And ​hope is the warrior emotion​.

Also, please go watch that ​Liam Neeson skit​.

You’re welcome.

-Steve

PS: Need guidance and accountability to reach your fitness goals? Nerd Fitness has helped 10,000+ humans over the last 8 years with 1-on-1 online fitness coaching. ​Click here for more details​.

The post The “Yes And” Rule first appeared on Nerd Fitness.