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There is nothing I love more than free stuff. If my neighbors leave last summer’s best sellers in the lobby of my apartment building, I’ll pick them up. If the Y stacks up the snacks left over from its after-school camps, I’ll take them. And if I ever see vinyl records beside the curb on trash day, they’re all coming home with me, even if they’re all in French. (Yes, this has happened.)

But last weekend, when Dunkin’ Donuts was giving away free samples of its cold brew, I wanted nothing to do with it. Zero dollars is still too many dollars for a cup of what tastes like weak coffee and human tears.

I recently took it upon myself to compare the cold brews from both Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts — and it wasn’t even close.

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