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Look, I’m a serious meat-lover, the kind of unrepentant carnivore who has to be reminded that fruits and vegetables are also things that exist. I can say “cheeseburger” in a half-dozen different languages, have impressed (or possibly terrified) strangers at neighboring tables with my ability to finish the Chateaubriand for two by myself, and admittedly feel a little guilty every time I listen to a Morrissey record. (I’ve already made peace with the idea that we’ll probably never have lunch together.)

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