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So you might’ve heard that there’s a wedding this weekend. Despite the fact that America legit fought a war to escape the British monarchy, seemingly every television channel that isn’t SyFy is breathlessly counting the minutes until Prince Charles walks Meghan Markle down the aisle and straight into the Royal Family. (And even that has been endlessly dissected: as of this morning, Meghan has decided that she’ll be walking her own self at least halfway down the aisle, because feminism).

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