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The first and only time I ever ordered a whole lobster was when I was 17 years old. On the night of my prom, I climbed in a rented limo with my best friend Megan and went to the fanciest restaurant in our area, an overpriced little seafood restaurant in Bethesda, Maryland. After I happily ordered a crustacean to feed my fancy prom desires, Megan widened her eyes.

“What?” I asked, as I put on my lobster bib. Megan replied to me what seemed obvious to her, that the animal was most likely alive before I ordered it, and would obviously die “right over there” in the kitchen as we were talking about it, and knew me enough to know I might not like that information. (I certainly did not, but I still ate the lobster. It was $60.)

That not-so-fond memory came shrieking back to me when I learned of the internet’s baffling new trend of screaming sausage videos.

Yes, you read that right.

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